What follows is an essay-as-speech, offered as a direct response to a weekend of freewriting at Bard College enacted under the direction of skilled practitioners of Peter Elbow's principles of writing and thinking. Elbow, in attendance, gave the keynote address. This essay-as-speech both critiques the practices enacted at Bard and offers a very different way of teaching writing, one that honors the epistemological underpinnings of Elbow's work while outlining a pedagogy founded on constraints and images.