Abstract This essay contends that the red MAGA hat in the modern conservative movement plays off Donald Trump's populist construction of his supporters as victims by creating opportunities for the performance of what we call “rehearsed victimhood.” As an enactment of vulnerability that allows individuals in historically powerful positions to claim marginalized status by manifesting material evidence of their subjugation, we argue that rehearsed victimhood relies on weaponized polysemy to bait critics, the cooptation of civil rights rhetoric, and acts of humiliation and violent self-sacrifice. We illustrate the performance of rehearsed victimhood through a close reading of media coverage of numerous incidents where Trump supporters claimed discrimination after being attacked, fired, or ridiculed for wearing a MAGA hat.